I have had an ongoing issue for the last several years with not being able to make perfect cupcakes. Mother decided to offer her support by buying me the "Cupcake Making Bible" for Christmas. Apparently if I follow the instructions in "The Cupcake Bible" nothing can go wrong and I will be crowned "Cupcake Queen" forever more.

I religiously followed the instructions………..

“Get good ingredients”
…..I went to Aldi and bought the very best free range eggs and unsalted butter…….tick………….

“Use a hand held blender”
…………I wet to Comet to source my essential hand blender – no joy - onto Argos and managed to purchase the necessary kit………tick………..

“Have everything at room temp”
………..I turned up the heating full blast……………..tick……….

“Warm the oven to 180C”
……….tick………..

“Cream the butter and sugar together until the mixture is pale and smooth – for 3-5 minutes”
………I blended as instructed and sprayed sugar and butter all over the walls………..and then I cleaned up for 10 minutes…………….

“Add the eggs blending for a few minutes after each addition”
…………easy - tick…………..

“Sift in the flour and mix with liquids”
…………easy peasy………..tick………………

“Bake for 25 minutes”
………..erm……….they needed 30………..

“Let the cakes cool for 10 minutes”
…………hmmm………am pleased so far so good………….

“Beat the butter, lemon zest and icing sugar together”
………..ah the highs and the lows – this was a low………….I have never seen Nigella re-enact the Burst-Cocaine-Bag scene from the film True Romance but I did on her behalf………I spent the next 30 minutes cleaning up the mess and trying to imagine how she does it all so effortlessly………………and to be honest if she had walked into my kitchen that minute I would have quite cheerfully murdered her………..I decided to turn to my trusty Kenwood mixer………….and it did the job a dream……I prepared my little teeny tiny orange slices to decorate them with…

and then I realised I only had 200g of icing sugar………..and I needed 500g………so I have perfect Cupcakes all ready to go and not nearly enough icing…………..I am now drinking a big big glass of wine………….I feel like I have let myself down…yet again………I decided to just get on with it and eat one of the little critters………….it tasted good but still I am not sure I can bear the stress - CUPCAKES ARE EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!